Get Your Ex Back Today!

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by Erik J. Michaels

For most people, a breakup is one of the worst times in their lives (barring death in the family or serious illness), but in all honesty it doesn’t need to be. Sitting on the couch in a slump of depression is NOT the way to handle it, and if you give yourself a little slap to wake up you can have a real shot at getting your ex back.

Your first challenge is to change your outlook on your situation. This should be easy enough considering how often most of us change our perceptions each day, but for a lot of people this is a halting point. You need to stop looking at things with such a pessemistic viewpoint, and start seeing this as an opportunity and motivation for self-improvement.

Don’t keep looking at things like they “happened to you.” This is called passive self-victimization. Okay, so I made that up, but it’s a good name for what you’re doing to yourself if you see your ex as the “bad guy” or beat yourself up continuously over the things that caused you to lose out on your relationship. Take responsibility for the things you did that resulted badly, but don’t let yourself think that there’s nothing you can do.

Nothing can fuel a change like something bad that needs to be made good. Destitute peasants have led revolutions to overthrow the most powerful people of their countries for that reason…I’m pretty sure you can find the self-empowerment from this experience to kick yourself into high gear and really get motivated to change your own situation. Use your hurt and anger and convert it into determination to solve your problems.

Make this unfortunate experience into a learning experience. Figure out what went wrong in the relationship…it’s usually something you did, or a behavior or characteristic. Relationship problems can range from smacking your lips when you eat to not being emotionally available and sensitive to your partner. There’s a lot that can go wrong, but if everybody let the possible fallouts of relationships keep them huddled up on their couches the world would be a lot less populated.

When you’ve come up with a list of about 20-50 things you could improve on (I’m sure your ex could find that many), it’s time to get busy correcting your problems. I can’t help you solve every single problem, only you can do this…all I can say is that you need to dedicate yourself to this, and really work to make things work. If you try to go back to your ex as the same person who got dumped, you’re just going to have your heart broken again, and probably mess up any chances you may have had.

After you’ve identified and fixed the major problems that fouled up your relationship, it’s time to start trying to get your ex back. Your first contact should be light and generally non-aggressive, a phone call or email seeing how things are going is a pretty common start. The important thing to remember when building your relationship back up is not rushing things and frightening your ex off…you need to feel out your ex’s feelings on the two of you and pace yourself accordingly.

Your ex is most likely still in love with you. Cruel, heartless, “drop you flat” breakups don’t happen as much in real life as they do in the movies…it’s usually a wedge driven between two people who do still love each other. Just make sure you don’t wait too long to pull yourself together…people do move on, and if that’s the case all your efforts are going to do is cause more pain. Remember to give your ex all the space he/she needs, but if you just sit back and cry you’ll miss your window of opportunity. If you have the right timing, however…you can get your ex back. It just takes some pushing yourself.

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