One Of The Most Important Marriage Tips You’ll Ever Hear

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by Shevach Pepper

Recently my father-in-law spoke at a wedding I attended. After 50 years of wedded bliss he offered the couple simple marriage tips. He told them simply that one of the most important the rich tips they will ever get in life is not to be afraid to say, “I’m sorry”. He claims that this one marriage and tip can bring you many happy years as a married couple.

These two short and easy words can work wonders. A second before you said them, your spouse might have been scowling at you, feeling hurt and angry. As soon as you apologize, his expression will completely change. The face muscles will relax and your spouse will forgive you and everything will be back to normal.

This may sound easy but for some it is difficult to apologize. Women tend to be in touch of their feelings more, and are able to apologize quite easily. Men on the other hand, tend to have issues with expressing feelings and are unable to see the importance of seeing those three words aloud.

This results in a problem. Women might think a man is not sorry just because he hasn’t said so (when often this is not the case). Also, a man might misinterpret the woman’s need to hear it as a lack of self-confidence and think she is dependent on him (this might also not be the case). Men should swallow their pride and say “I’m sorry” when they need to and women need to realize that a man can feel guilty about what he did to upset her, although they don’t always express this feeling. Realizing this from both a male and female perspective could prevent a lot of problems in marriages.

This marriage tip, as with most all tips, is one that does no good to understand if you do not implement it.

Practical tips on effectively apologizing for married couples:

If you mess up, take full responsibility. Don’t make your spouse a party to what happened. If you say, “sorry I spilt wine on the rug but don’t fill my glass so full next time”, this is a half-hearted apology along with a dig at your partner. “I’m sorry I spilt wine on the rug” is a better apology and should get immediate forgiveness (we all have little accidents!)

Don’t only apologize for what happened; also apologize for how it made your partner feel. Rather than stating, “I’m sorry I’m late” you can elaborate and say, “I am sorry I made it home late. I hope I didn’t worry you.” To share a more of an accurate depiction of your feelings.

If you have reasons for apologizing make sure that you have mentioned them in the apology. This is much better than giving a overly general apology that sounds more like a sermon.

Use proper timing. When you’ve done something small then an immediate it apology is appropriate. If you have done something a bit bigger and you feel that your partner’s feelings may be hurt you should wait until you get a quiet moment along and then you can let her know she is the light of your life and means the world to you. Don’t do this as she is leaving on her way to run errands.

Do not pass the blame to partner. An explanation does not require that someone is to blame.

While marriage tips can be helpful, they will not solve every problem. It is up to you and your spouse to work out your problems and to accept apologies from one another. Although it would be nice to have your spouse to accept your apology immediately each time, do not expect this to always happen. Forgiveness takes time and understanding. Keeping this in mind will help your relationship to grow stronger.

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