Three Things You Can Learn When He Meets Your Family

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by Wendy Bridger

Meeting the parents is always a fun and nerve racking step for a new relationship. One of the most important things that comes from introducing each other to family is the feed back that comes. Many people care a lot about what their family thinks of their boyfriend, and their approval or lack of approval will impact the success of the relationship.

If your potential mother in law disapproves, that might influence your boyfriend’s opinion of you for better or for worse. On the other side, if he is visiting your family and is having difficulty fitting in, you might see it as a bad sign.

What kind of part should your families play in assisting you decide, “Is he the one?” While it is important to consider what your parents say about him, the ultimate decision still lies with you. Here are a few things to think about when meeting his family or vice versa.

1. Pay attention to how he interacts with family.

If you are the one meeting his family, this is a great opportunity to see how he will potentially treat you in the future. Most of us put our guard down around our family and show our true colors. Take advantage of the chance to see his. Pay special attention to how he treats his mother, as men often will interact their wives the way the do with their mothers.

When he is the one meeting your parents, watch how he fits in with them. If everyone feels comfortable together within a short period of time, this is a good sign. However, if you see him struggling to relate or being evasive, you need to keep this in mind on how it would impact your relationships long term.

2. Consider the reaction you get from family members.

Almost every parent will directly or indirectly give you their opinion of your relationship. This can affect your relationship, especially if you look to your parents for approval. Think about the following when considering your family’s approval or disapproval.

First, family feed back will almost always be emotional. Second, ask for you family to be specific in their feedback. “I don’t like him” isn’t helpful. However, when probing further, your dad may tell you that he doesn’t seem to be responsible and capable of taking care of you, which is important to him. Deciding whether this feedback has merit depends on how important it is to you personally that your boyfriend is able to care for youin the same way your dad sees fit.

3. Realize that family cannot solely determine if he is the one for you.

Your family’s response is a valuable resource in deciding whether to pursue a relationship further. They might point out things you have overlooked, and you get a chance to see your boyfriend in an important setting for the future. However, there are many other things to consider before deciding, “Is he the one?” After all, you are going to be the one living with this guy, not your family, not his family. Ultimately, this decision must be made considering other factors, like compatibility and universal relationship truths.

So, relax and have fun getting to know one another’s family. Find out more about this aspect of one another’s life, and utilize other more reliable ways to determine if you have found a keeper.

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