9 Ways To Romance Your Chronically Ill Wife

by Lisa Copen

When your wife has a chronic illness, though you may love her no matter what, it can be hard for her to get into a romantic mood. Physical pain from the actual illness to weight gain or loss, bloating, and less-than-fun symptoms of medication can all be a deterrent to some romantic moments.

Be assured that you are not alone. Nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA live with a chronic illness and so many marriages are impacted. Unfortunately, nearly seventy-five percent of them end in divorce when an illness is that “third party” in the marriage.

Is it possible for you to make a difference and let her know you want to romance her? Of course! With a few simple ideas, you can get the spark back into your marriage.

Buy her food that she can eat without guilt–even if you have to hunt it down. Did you know chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that produces the feeling of “being in love”? Look at your pharmacy for Russell Stover’s sugar free chocolate. Starbuck’s just introduced a heavenly new drink, a sugar-free Cinnamon Dolce’. Now that’s romantic!

Hold her hand. Yes, I know. You’re hoping for more than just holding hands. But if it takes a woman without an illness awhile to get in the mood, you can imagine the affection she needs in order to forget her physical pain. Rub her back carefully, use an endearing name you haven’t used in five years, and don’t pressure her for more. Snuggle, cuddle, snuggle as if you will never let her go.

Talk to her about how much you admire her and how she copes with the daily-ness of living with a chronic illness. Remind her that you’re never going anywhere and you feel blessed to be married to someone who shows so much strength in character when her body is weak.

Pamper her by purchasing her something that she wouldn’t splurge on for herself. Let her know you are listening to her by purchasing a CD that she says has one of her favorite news songs on it. Buy her a down comforter for a cozier bed. Brainstorm about item that she could enjoy when she isn’t feeling well.

Schedule a day of rest for her. Get the kids out of the house, give her a new pair of pjs, and let her know she has he day to do whatever she wants.

Hide romantic notes in places she will find them. Stick a note in the fridge that says, “I know it’s hard for you to go grocery shopping. Please know how much it means to me that you keep this box stocked just for me!”

Being romantic at home isn’t hard. Purchase a fondue pot and tell her that you will bring home something to dip every Wednesday night so you two can sit and have a conversation over candlelight (and cheese, chocolate, marshmallow, etc.)

Don’t know how to start a conversation that can lead to romance? There are loads of books about “conversation starters” and most have a romantic version. “Red Hot Monogamy” by Bill and Pam Farrell is also a good book to read to gain some ideas.

Let her know that you know atmosphere is important. Send her in to take a bath and light some of the new flameless candles (you can go to sleep without worry). Make up a play list of her favorite romantic songs on your ipod. Get goofy and throw some rose petals around and see how she responds.

There is no perfect way to romance your wife because every woman is different and needing different things. So communication is the key. Ask, “What are your biggest concerns right now? How can I help you feel more loved?”

You don’t have to be perfect. By making an effort to create some romance in the relationship, it will bring some romance to your marriage! If she sees you reading a book on marriage or romancing your wife, she may just toss the book aside and grab you. Whoever said the most romantic thing a man can do are the dishes understood women perfectly.

About the Author:

Get a free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from “Beyond Casseroles” by Lisa Copen when you signup for to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa founded Invisible Illness Awareness