Relationship Challenged? The Truth About Relationship Instincts

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by Wendy Bridger

Are you always single or in dead end relationships while others around you seem to always find a great guy and keep him? Not only do you wish your relationships were more like theirs, you deserve them to be! What causes the difference between dead end relationships and lasting ones?

I’ve recently experienced something that might help answer this question. Six weeks ago, I gave birth to my son. Recently, I’ve begun to figure out this little guy and how to meet his needs. It’s interesting. In becoming a mother again, I’ve been reminded what mother’s instincts are all about and what they are not.

Before having my two kids, I figured mother’s instincts were super powers that enabled the new mom to interpret her child’s every need and know how to solve every problem. Needless to say, I was very disappointed when I wasn’t endowed with this magical gift when either of my children came along. Instead, I found myself feeling very lost at what to do and how to do anything. What I did instinctually have was an indescribable desire to do everything on my power to protect, nurture and soothe the cries of this darling child that had been placed in my arms. I’d do anything to that end, even if it meant dying for my child. Or worse, giving up my precious sleep night after night!

Now that I have become acquainted with many other mothers, I know that the magical omnipotent power of mothering does not exist. Other mother’s instincts are like my own. We don’t do everything perfect, we all want to do the very best we can for our kids from the moment they are born.

In my professional experience as a relationship advisor, I have seen the same pattern in people’s romantic relationships. Everyone seems to have the instinct to desire a good relationship. Yet, just as mothers don’t know everything about being a mother by instinct, we often don’t know how to create a good relationship by instinct either. This part must be learned by asking advice from those who know how relationships work. By doing so, we can begin applying that natural desire and end up in the relationships we all naturally want to be in.

So, when you find yourself discouraged because you are single or at the end of another relationship disaster, don’t be discouraged. You have the desire and instincts it takes to be in a good relationship. You just need the guidance to build what you wish into reality. Today is the day to stop doing it alone and ending up in the same dead end pattern. Now is the time to gain the courage to ask for help. Once you know the skills necessary and start applying them, you will be ready to find and nourish the relationship you deserve to have.

About the Author:

Whether you are lonely and single, starting a relationship, or healing from heartache, Wendy Bridger, MSSW, provides you with the skills you need to create a soulmate relationship.