Dating For Youngsters

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by James Beckett

When our kids get ready to start dating then I don’t know who is more nervous, you or them! You are worried about them making a fool of themselves or maybe even getting themselves hurt by staying out late in the dark etc or being led astray by their date. They are nervous about how to deal with everything, and how to act. Your fears are something you are old enough to deal with by yourself, but spend some time with the youngster to talk them through what to expect and how to act, this will take away some of their nerves and they will know you are on their side.

I am sure that your son would love to do the whole date alone, and you should give him the impression he is, but at some point he is going to need to ask for help. Unless he has bags of money for a taxi or wants to ‘impress’ his date by taking the bus, then he is going to have to come to you for a lift, take the pressure out of it by asking him first if he wants a lift rather than him having to ask you.

One of the most important words of advice you can give as friend, parent or elder advisor to a nervous young guy just going into the world of romance is that she is as nervous as he is and that there are no real expectations on that first date. If he can just plan an outing with the girl of his dreams that they both enjoy and come out of it friends, he will have had a good date.

Group outings are terrific starter dates for young daters. Not only do they work well because someone probably has an event that everyone can do but both of the kids feel safer with mutual friends. But both of the novice daters should keep in mind that on the date, he is there with her and she is there with him. It is very easy for both kids to wander off with their friend group and the entire atmosphere of a “date” can disappear pretty quickly.

Of course the idea of a group date may not appeal to him as he may be afraid that other kids will try and talk to his date and steal her away from him. There are simple solutions to this, give her a present at the start of a date, like a flower for her hair or something else people will see. Not only will this endear her to him for the present, but it marks her as his date so that all the other kids know and stay away.

Maybe he still wants to go with just her, well to relieve some of the pressure he can try different activities that will take away some of the need to find things to say. If he takes her for a bite to eat and then a movie he will be doing something together and giving them both something to talk about and do together, but without having the whole date filled with them trying to talk about stuff. Or maybe bowling, this gives them both something to focus on and a bit of competition as well which is a great way to break the ice.

It may be better for the young novice daters to learn the ups and downs of being together before they take on going out to dinner and the more advanced subjects of the sport of dating. If they go somewhere that there is food like a food court at the theater or mall, he can be a big man and buy her dinner without having to deal with restaurant etiquette.

The young man should be also be taught that at the end of the first date he should be a perfect gentleman and walk her all the way home. He should understand that he does not need to get a kiss to have a good date, that all women are different and he will offend her if he tries to force a kiss. Tell him to watch for signs that she wants to kiss him on the cheek or give him a hug etc, no doubt her parents will be watching from inside so tell him he doesn’t want to upset them on the first date!

If the young couple feels like they got to go out together, that it was an event where they were definitely “a couple” and if each got to do some datelike thing on that outing, that is plenty of romance for the first time out.

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Check out this video if you are looking for romantic date ideas.