“Getting Back Into the Dating Game”

by Pam Baldwin

If you’ve gone through a divorce and are ready to start going out on dates again, there are a few important things to keep in mind. Sometimes dating after a divorce can be intimidating for a person. Getting back into dating after a divorce can be tough. I have heard some people say that they forget how to date, or that the thrill is gone for them.

Usually, insecurity is the force behind this. If you’ve suffered a broken heart by your former spouse, then it can be really difficult to start over again. You no longer have the confidence you once did, and you may be concerned that you no longer have the ability to find someone new. With some work, however, starting again is really possible.

Only get back into dating if you are doing it for the right reasons. Though various family members and friends may try to push you back into dating, don’t let their good intentions move you before you are ready. Remember, you and your former spouse are separate people, and thus you do not have to feel like you should start dating again because they are. If you do rush into a new relationship, it will most likely fail.

Being nervous when you start to date again is normal. You should not avoid dating because you are nervous. Keep in mind that being nervous does not mean that you are not ready to date. In this case, nervousness comes with the territory. The more practice you get the easier that dating will become.

Most divorcees say that they no longer know where to find that potential someone. While the typical places consist of bars, this no longer sounds like fun. If you were like other married couples, then your social circle is probably full of other married couples. Thus there is no one that you know that could be that potential love interest.

But, don’t despair. There are alternatives to hitting up bars or relying on your friends set you up on blind dates. For example, online dating is becoming increasingly popular. It gives you the opportunity to meet potential partners without a lot of the hassle that is typically associated with putting yourself out there. Sometimes people who are getting back into dating after a divorce find this method to be the least threatening, as well.

Lastly, don’t expect too much too soon. It’s fine to date with the ultimate goal of finding that special person to settle down with, but it’s not a good idea to be too intense about finding him or her. Remember to enjoy yourself, and treat the process first and foremost as a way to have fun and meet new people.

If you don’t have success right away, don’t give up. Chalk bad dates up to nothing more than learning experiences or funny stories you can use to entertain your friends. Remember that you have a lot to offer to the right man or woman, and don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make you happy! Getting back into dating after a divorce doesn’t need to be scary - with the right attitude, it can be fun and exciting!

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